Friday, 22 May 2009

Seeing his face was the only thought that kept me alive today. The only thought that helped me with stress while doing my guitar exam. One lesson. 30 minutes. 24 minutes. 15 minutes. 2 minutes. I don't know how explain it. I was happy? I was exited? I have no idea. I don't think that there is a word in any dictionary. After half an hour of waiting I looked at the floor, and I don't know where from, but a tear went down my cheek. I think that at that moment I finally got the fact that he won't come. I felt anger. I was angry at myself. Before I knew I was sitting on a bus to town, with lots of little rivers running down my face. I didn't want to go home.
Then after millionth call he answered, and I PAUSED.
I couldn't take in the fact that he had an accident on his way to airport. I couldn't take the fact that he is in hospital, and has broken leg. I whispered "I'm sorry" down the phone so many times that I lost the counting, hoping that it will be OK. Hoping that it will make him feel better. I knew it won't.

The first reaction was more tears. However now I have all these mad thoughts coming to my head. All these ideas, which aren't so saint, which doubt him, myself.

I listened to the river today, people talking in the background. You know, when you stand on the little step, and open your eyes, it feels like you are floating on the water. I was floating all three hours. I tried to fight with my thoughts. Battles aren't for me.
Now I'm listening to the rain. I keep the war up.
I don't know what to do.

Tomorrow I'm working with artists. Art is the only way that takes my mind of HIM. All my songs from ipod are from him for me. I need new music. No, I don't want new music.
I need to do a good piece of work tomorrow, I need to lose myself. I need to do it. I don't care about people, about socialising. No, tomorrow it's all about me and art. ME & ART. ONLY.

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Her past

These images do not belong to me....well some do...but I will point out which yeah I have no rights to these photographs.
This is just ermmm...inspiration....for me...stuff that don't fit on my poor wrecked laptop...and my fucked up head...and huge, old skechbook..and hmmm...if you wanna look through my stuff go ahead...this is what blogs are for, right?...


Stay away stay away SHE's a heel of a devil SHE will make you sway.