Thursday, 21 May 2009

“Natural Beauty” Ph: Will Davidson Vogue China February 2009

I'm such an idiot! I have so many doubts about something I've been waiting for for so long!
I have doubts! How can I have doubts!? IDIOT! COMPLETE IDIOT!!! Yes, it is Friday tomorrow. What's more it is THE Friday I've been waiting for two weeks! And guess what!? The day before Ania feels like she shouldn't meet HIM!? How scrued up is that!!!??? I am scued up, or messed up( which ever way you prefer)!? No, this is it basically. No more complements, positive things to say about myself today ( I am being sarcastic people!).
Tomorrow I've got my guitar grade exam. I am stressed out as hell. 'Are you looking forward to your exam Ania!?' asked me one of my teachers 'SHIT! NO!' Yeah I wished I said that. I think he knew the truth anyway, which I covered up with 'I hope I will do good.'

I've had a very good day in Hope Uni today. Really I enjoyed it. I mean they didn't exactly change my mind about Uni. as I wanted to go to Uni before anyway. I loved it. I got out of it a lot. For now I wanna focus on the choice of my future collage. I have a year to sort it out. As a little secret I'm gonna tell you that I'm planing to move to London for collage. I found perfect collages for me in London. Yes, you can live on your own at age of 16. Yes, I will have to get a job and a room, or somewhere to live. Am I scared? Not really. The fact of me going to art and fashion course in collage makes me to go exited. I can't wait. Plus I get to move out, which goes along with my passion for freedom. Hm....we will see I guess.
I told my parents by the way. I'm not making this up as I go along with the next paragraph. Oh, I'm gonna go to collage, and win the money of the world, and then I will buy a pink unicorn and fly on it whenever I feel like it ( I hate pink btw).No I am being completely serious about it. I saw this shock on their faces, and they looked at me like never before. I think they realised that I am growing up. I am. My dad had a little of that look for the first time when I told him that I'm going out with a boy, but this time it was different. I saw sadness in my mothers eyes, and shock. I gave her a hug, and said 'Don't you worry about me mum.'
I don't quite think that it helped her. It helped me.
Helped to think that she won't worry.
I make my own lies.
I live in them.
I am a lie.
I am.

Dear lie, come in and sit on my knees, I will brush your hair and we will play with Barbie dolls. In the end we will go to the shop and buy a bottle of vodka and drink it until the end, until we will be sick. They find it fun. I guess.

Dear lie, come in. I love the stories you tell me. These stories are so beautiful. I want to believe in them...

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Her past

These images do not belong to me....well some do...but I will point out which yeah I have no rights to these photographs.
This is just ermmm...inspiration....for me...stuff that don't fit on my poor wrecked laptop...and my fucked up head...and huge, old skechbook..and hmmm...if you wanna look through my stuff go ahead...this is what blogs are for, right?...


Stay away stay away SHE's a heel of a devil SHE will make you sway.