...so here I go again...another day of conflict, confusion....misunderstanding.....the agony....
Once in a while when you actually admit that everything is going so well....its getting shit....back again....
...I don't think I will ever understand myself....well i don't most of the times...so well done to you if you do....
Everytime we want to meet something comes up...its like a force pulling us away from eachother....the question is 'why?'...its making me so flustrated....angry...and so increadably sad...to hear about your heart...and brain....I wished I could take the illness...away from you....I would take it...so that at least your life was safe....I hate to say it...It's what we seems to say all the time...but I miss you....
I am scared....but I can not imagine how affraind you have to be...I doubt our meeting...I doubt....feeling you...see ing you....I love you....now it seems that it isnt all that matters, and it doesn't keep the outside world away from us....it doesnt protect your health...and it doesn't bring you money....so why would you want me?
Tearful evening....I am always worried about those evening....after those evening actually....mother daughter talk....it leaves all the conversation in her mind....and I don't want that....those evenings...are explosion of all the baggage....too many real stuff come up....too many real things make you cry....make you understand things....that you kept away from yourself for a while....it ment to make you feel better...but you just get out all the anger....but then more comes.....making you do things you never thought of doing....
My Art teacher said something to me today 'Just because I gave you all those complements, don't stop hard work.' I laughed....
No one will ever understand why I did...she never will.....
No comments:
Post a Comment